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In Memory of Dr. Leo Buscaglia

at his home in Lake Tahoe, Nevada.

He will be dearly missed.

March 31 1924 - June 12, 1998

I had the privilege of being in his original "Love Class" upon which he based his first book, "Love". Leo spread messages of love and joy wherever he went. He encouraged everyone to live life to the fullest, love one another, and hug frequently. He touched my life in a very personal way, was my teacher and my friend. Over the last few years, I had been thinking about going to visit with him personally to say hello once more, and share fond memories of "Love Class"... But it is now too late. Sometimes, when we put off the things we want to do until "some day", we unexpectedly lose the opportunity altogether. Below, I wish to share with you a story that I received via email from a close friend of mine, shortly after Leo's untimely death. It is very appropriate to this occasion, and the timing of its receipt is serendipitous, indeed...

"A Story To Live By" By: Ann Wells (Los Angeles Times)

My brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sister's bureau and lifted out a tissue-wrapped package. "This," he said, "is not a slip. This is lingerie." He discarded the tissue and handed me the slip. It was exquisite; silk, handmade and trimmed with a cobweb of lace. The price tag with an astronomical figure on it was still attached.

"Jan bought this the first time we went to New York, at least 8 or 9 years ago. She never wore it. She was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is the occasion." He took the slip from me and put it on the bed with the other clothes we were taking to the mortician. His hands lingered on the soft material for a moment, then he slammed the drawer shut and turned to me. "Don't ever save anything for a special occasion. Every day you're alive is a special occasion."

I remembered those words through the funeral and the days that followed when I helped him and my niece attend to all the sad chores that follow an unexpected death. I thought about them on the plane returning to California from the Midwestern town where my sister's family lives. I thought about all the things that she hadn't seen or heard or done. I thought about the things that she had done without realizing that they were special.

I'm still thinking about his words, and they've changed my life. I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting on the deck and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time in committee meetings. Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experience to savor, not endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.

I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event-such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, the first camellia blossom.

I wear my good blazer to the market if I feel like it. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries without wincing. I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties; clerks in hardware stores and tellers in banks have noses that function as well as my party-going friends'.

"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now. I'm not sure what my sister would have done had she known that she wouldn't be here for the tomorrow we all take for granted. I think she would have called family members and a few close friends. She might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think she would have gone out for a Chinese dinner, her favorite food. I'm guessing-I'll never know.

It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew that my hours were limited. Angry because I put off seeing good Friends whom I was going to get in touch with-someday. Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write-one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and daughter often enough how much I truly love them. I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives.

And every morning when I open my eyes, I tell myself that it is special.

Every day, every minute, every breath truly is...a gift from God.

"Death is a challenge. It tells us not to waste time . . . It tell us to tell each other right now that we love each other"

~Leo Buscaglia

Perhaps the fact of life most conducive to living fully as a person is an honest awareness and acceptance of death. When we can embrace death as simply another aspect of the life cycle, we will give appreciation and value to each life encounter knowing that it will never occur again.

~Leo Buscaglia

This is mounted on my desk, and is one of my favorite writings...

A Start by Dr. Leo Buscaglia

Each day, I promise myself not to try to solve all my life problems at once -- nor shall I expect you to do so;

Starting each day, I shall try to learn something new about me and about you and about the world I live in, so that I may continue to experience all things as if they had been newly born;

Starting each day, I shall remember to communicate my joy as well as my despair, so that we can know each other better;

Starting each day, I shall remind myself to really listen to you and to try to hear your point of view and to discover the least-threatening way of giving you mine, remembering that we are both growing and changing in a hundred different ways;

Starting each day, I shall remind myself that I am a human being and not demand perfection of you until I am perfect, so you're safe;

Starting each day, I shall try to be more aware of the beautiful things in our world -- I'll look at the flowers, I'll look at the birds, I'll look at the children, I'll feel the cool breezes, I'll eat good food -- and I'll share these things with you;

Starting each day, I shall remind myself to reach out and touch you, gently, with my words, my eyes and with my fingers, because I don't want to miss feeling you;

Starting each day, I shall dedicate myself again to the process of being a lover -- and then see what happens;

You know, I'm really convinced that if you were to define love, the only word big enough to engulf it all would be "Life" -- LOVE IS LIFE -- in all its aspects ... And if you miss love, you miss life !

Please don't !

Quotes from "Born for Love", By Dr. Leo Buscaglia:

Separateness is an illusion.

Most of us remain strangers to ourselves, hiding who we are, and ask other strangers, hiding who they are, to love us.

Any action that inhibits is not love. Love is only love when it liberates.

The only lasting trauma is the one we suffer without positive change.

It is only when we have experienced love that we truly realize what would be lost by missing it.

Love is constant, it is we who are fickle. Love does guarantee, people betray. Love can always be trusted, people cannot.

All the things that "go without saying" or that are "understood" between two people in love can build up a mountain of miscommunication.

It is when we ask for love less and begin giving it more that the secret of human love is revealed to us.

The life and love we create is the life and love we live.

When it comes to giving love, the opportunities are unlimited, and we are all gifted.

Risks

"To laugh is to risk appearing the fool, To weep is to risk being called sentimental. To reach out to another is to risk involvement. To expose feelings is to risk showing your true self. To place your ideas and your dreams before the crowd is to risk being called naive. To love is to risk not being loved in return. To live is to risk dying. To hope is to risk despair, To try is to risk failure. But risks must be taken, because the greatest risk in life is to risk nothing.

The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing.

He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot

learn, feel, change, grow or love.

Chained by his certitude, he is a slave; he has forfeited his freedom.

Only the person who risks is truly free."

Leo often quoted this in his books and lectures, and for quite some time its author was listed as "anonymous". Several years ago, the author of this inspirational verse stepped forward.

She is ..... Janet Rand

Other quotes by Leo Buscaglia:

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

"Love is spontaneous and craves expression through joy, through beauty, through truth, even through tears. Love lives the moment; it's neither lost in yesteryear nor does it crave for tomorrow. Love is NOW!" Leo Buscaglia

Love creates an "us", without destroying a "me".

Love is like a mirror. when you love another, you become his mirror and he becomes yours... And reflecting each other's love you see infinity.

We need others. We need others to love and we need to be loved by them. There is no doubt that without it, we too, like the infant left alone, would cease to grow, cease to develop, choose madness and even death.

Love and the self are one and the discovery of either is the realization of both.

Love can only be given, expressed freely. It can't be captured or held, for it is neither there to tie nor to hold.

Love is always open arms. If you close your arms about love you will find that you are left holding only yourself.

To learn to love is to be in constant change. The process is endless, for man's potential to love is infinite.

Man has no choice but to love. For when he does not, he finds his alternatives lie in loneliness, destruction, and despair.

Only when we give joyfully, without hesitation or thought of gain, can we truly know what love means.

I honor the place in you where the entire universe resides. I honor the place in you, where lies your love, your light, your truth and your beauty. I honor the place in you, where...if you are in that place in you... and I am in that place in me...then there is only one of us.

Approach everyone you meet as an individual with dignity and a life as complicated and mysterious as your own. Discard preconceptions and suspend, even for a moment, the idea that you "know this type". Do these things and perhaps you might learn the most important lesson that love can teach us: that each person is worthy of our love simply because they are human, and begin from there.

The essence of education is not to stuff you full of facts, but to help you discover your uniqueness, to teach you how to develop it, and then show you how to give it away.

Every time we put our hand out to someone, we run the risk of being slapped. But you also get a chance of somebody reaching out and touching you in love.

Value every moment as if it really is your last because it might very well be.

The following is an excerpt from "Living, Loving, and Learning" by Leo Buscaglia (page 122). It is something Leo found in the Journal of Humanistic Psychology, and was written by an 85 year old man who learned he was dying:

"If I had my life to live over again, I'd try to make more mistakes next time. I wouldn't try to be so perfect. I would relax more. I'd limber up. I'd be sillier than I've been on this trip. In fact, I know very few things that I would take so seriously. I'd be crazier. I'd be less hygienic. I'd take more chances, I'd take more trips, I'd climb more mountains, I'd swim more rivers, I'd watch more sunsets, I'd go more places I've never been to. I'd eat more ice cream and fewer beans. I'd have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones. You see, I was one of those people who lived prophylactically and sensibly and sanely hour after hour and day after day. Oh, I've had my moments, and if I had it to do all over again, I'd have more of those moments. In fact, I'd try to have nothing but beautiful moments -- moment by moment by moment. I've been one of those people who never went anywhere without a hot water bottle, a gargle, a raincoat, and a parachute. If I had it to do all over again, I'd travel lighter next time. If I had it to do all over again, I'd start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I'd ride more merry-go-rounds, I'd watch more sunrises, and I'd play with more children, if I had my life to live over again. But you see, I don't"