In fiction, the story line is moved along by a series of events that lead up to a plot point. That plot point spins the story and/or character's life in a different direction from which it was going. I believe real life is a series of events or experiences that also lead to plot points in our own lives. I can now look back over the years and see many of the plot points that changed my life along the way. Some of those were questions about Jesus.

I determined pretty early in my search for; who am I?, that I just couldn't trust the destiny of my soul to a god who could pick and choose a chosen people. I figured I would definitely be left out. So, I focused on the New Testament of the Bible, and the teachings of Jesus. I found them more comforting, but also confusing.

I was about to give up on Jesus, when I stumbled across Joshua by Joseph F. Girzone. I began to reconsider this Jesus character that Joshua was representing. But I kept asking questions.

About a year later, I stumbled onto William Bramley's book, The Gods of Eden. On page 120, in the first paragraph, he said that, "probably less than 5% of all that Jesus and his original followers taught is found in the Bible." Wow! What a plot point that turned out to be!

Questions flooded into my mind, the biggest one at that moment being; how could a religion be based on what Jesus taught when most of what he said has been left out?

Well, I continued to search and read, including the Dead Sea Scrolls, The Jefferson Bible, The Talmud of Jmmanuel, and others; and still I wasn't positive I could trust Jesus with my soul.

Then, several years later, I stumbled upon The Urantia Book and the Fourwinds10 website, where I found the Phoenix Journal, And They Call His Name Immanuel --- I Am Sananda; two more plot points in my understanding of Jesus/Sananda.

When I read in the Urantia Book about how Jesus took care of his sisters, brothers and mother after his father died, I cried like a baby. Oh, how I wish I had a big brother, or mother, like Jesus. It was then, my soul fell in love with Jesus, not in any romantic way. The Phoenix Journals continue to expand my understanding as time goes by.

It took nearly 40 years of asking and searching to answer my questions about Jesus. I'm glad I kept asking, though several times I nearly gave up. I don't have absolute know-it-all clarity, but I now know I can trust Jesus/Sananda to guide my soul, and I'm asking an array of new questions, and this "who am I?" journey is much more interesting and fascinating than I could ever have imagined.

Thank you Fourwinds10 for being there, and helping me find answers to those important questions.

Jenny Lynn

zraudibaugh@bresnan.net