What a wonderful day I had in Cleveland, Ohio, which turned out to be a great success despite the best efforts of the organiser.

But in the days before the event I was pestered by someone called Michael Braverman, connected to the Jesse Ventura 'show' called Conspiracy Theory, on the totally inappropriately-titled truTV, in which Ventura or the voiceover can rarely go a few sentences without reminding everyone that he is a former Navy Seal. Wow, stands back in amazement - how incredible, a former Navy Seal. I feel fit to faint, I’m proper flushed.

Don't Navy Seals kill people, Ace Ventura, Pet Detective? You know, I think they do. Wow, respect, how fantastic. I don't kill people, I want to stop people being killed and so I will leave you to it, hero in your own mind.

Do I look like a real man? Oh please say I do. 'Former Navy Seal' Jesse Ventura, Pet Detective – he’s not a former ‘Navy Seal' is he? Really? Wow.

Even though I was ill and battling to be well enough for the Cleveland event, I agreed that Braverman - 'it will be good for your work and get it to a bigger audience' - could come along with Ace Ventura, Pet Detective, and ask me some questions about my work.

Alex Jones told me that he thought it would be a positive piece (and I have no doubt that Alex believed what he said to be true, so no problem with him whatsoever).

But how differently it turned out.

Size of my brain? Mmmmm

Around an hour before I was due to speak for nine to ten hours laying out everything in detail, I went down to where they had set up (set up being the term) their cameras.

I was surprised having heard Ventura go on and on and on in the room next door in a truly boring diatribe for anyone who would listen, that the said Braverman (another contradiction in terms) did not want me to go into the next room and to meet one of the most monumental egos and uninformed people it has been my 'experience' to encounter.

Instead, Braverman was far more concerned with getting me to sign the 'release form' before the ‘interview’ had even been shot.

I went down to their room and they started running their cameras when it was said that the great-man-in-his-own-mind was about to honour us with his presence. So, in he came. I stood up to greet him courteously and came face to face with one of the most arrogant and ignorant men I can ever remember looking in the eyes.

He barely acknowledged me and sat down to embark on a series of questions so unresearched and juvenile that I immediately concluded that I was not dealing with the brain of Minnesota, nor even the house in which he lives, unless he lives alone.

I had concluded the same thing months before while watching an interview he did on CNN in which Piers Morgan, hardly the intellect of the century, had Ventura for breakfast because of his cringe-making lack of grasp of his subject matter.

Ventura’s arrogant, unresearched premise was that I must be making it all up or doing it ‘for the money’ because he was 60 years old and had never seen a reptilian – and therefore they could not exist. After all, he was a former ‘Navy Seal’. Wow. Amazing.

The John Wayne wannabee and Schwarzenegger act-a-like thought he was going to take me apart, but soon realised that such a challenge takes a far greater intellect than he will ever possess.

He demanded that I ‘prove’ in a single answer that reptilians existed when he had never seen one (the criteria for all existence). I pointed out that this was a massive subject that needed a lot of explanation and that my last book was 355,000 words.

It was clear that he knew nothing about me and my life and work and I asked him if he ever had read any of my books. ‘No’, he said, as if it didn’t matter that he was insulting his audience by attempting, emphasis on attempting, to lay into someone without doing any research whatsoever before doing so.

No, ain’t got time to read.

The longer the ‘interview’ went on the more uncomfortable he became, his leg ‘trembling’ from side to side under the table, because he did not have the knowledge nor intellect to take it beyond reptilians can’t exist because ‘I have never seen them’. Did I mention that he was a former Navy Seal? Wow.

I said that I was about to talk for nine hours laying out all the information and connecting all the dots, and he would get his answers if he stayed and listened. ‘I have to listen for nine hours?’ said the brain of any room in which he is alone. I did sympathise. I doubt he has the attention span of nine minutes.

He had come to Cleveland on the train from Minnesota because ‘Jesse Ventura will never fly again’. I think the word is ‘I’ won’t fly again, but then egos are egos.

When he ran out of questions, not for the first time I suspect, and realised that the English ‘reptile guy’ was unimpressed by the former Navy Seal (wow!) and would take no shit from a ponytail who had never seen a mirror he didn’t worship, I went out and spoke for nine hours to a really great audience.

As for Ace Ventura, Pet Detective, who is ‘seeking truth’ as a front man for the pathetically low-level Conspiracy Theory, which is nothing more than a vehicle to massage his ego, he left the building with his crew at the very time that I was beginning to speak.

He could have stayed and had all his pathetic questions answered at length, but that is not why he came, and not why he fronts his conspiracy-for-dummies TV show. He is not interested in uncovering the truth, only in posturing his ego-from-hell. He is a former Navy Seal, you know.

So I challenge Mr Ego and the ridiculously entitled truTV to post the ‘interview’ on YouTube in full without editing and let the public see the real Ace Ventura, Pet Detective, and see his attempted ‘ambush’ and abuse of someone who has already uncovered far more about the world of the hidden than the former Navy Seal will do if he lives to be a thousand.

Come on, let’s have you, Mr Ego. Let’s see Jesse Ventura, Pet Detective, in all his inglory.

Braverman’s email if you want to add your voice to this call is: mbraverman@asmithco.com

Alex Jones and others talk rightly about ‘hit jobs’ when the mainstream media set up conspiracy researchers to undermine them. What an irony that ‘truth seeker’ (Yeah, right) Jessie Ventura, Pet Detective, should try (emphasis on the try) to do the same to me on a show called Conspiracy Theory.

Your credibility is shot, Ace Ventura, and so it should be. This is an arena for adults. You could still be one if you really try, but I won’t hold my breath.

Oh yeah, and why does his crew and Braverman call him ‘Governor’ when he hasn’t been a governor (of Minnesota) for ages?

Dave, his name is Jesse Ventura.

Oh, of course - EGO, sorry, I was forgetting. He’s a former Navy Seal, see.

The Pet Detective also told the media this week that he would not stand again for the American National Anthem. I don’t know how we’ll cope, Jess, but somehow I think we’ll get by.

Nov. 13, 2011

http://www.davidicke.com/headlines/56029-jesse-ventura-pet-detective-a-must-read