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How to Interact with a Homeless PErson
Anyone who lives in or near a big city in the United States is aware of homeless people in their area or nearby. They look a little scary sometimes, or pathetic, or ill. It's hard to know sometimes how to make a human connection with someone who seems so different from the average American. I had the opportunity to learn first-hand that these folks crave connection, just like any other lonely person. Part of solving the problem of homelessness in this society is to put a face on it--make it personal. These people are not some alien species; they are just people. Here are a few hints as to how to create an acquaintance with a person who lives on the street.
They're just people.
Instructions
Difficulty: Moderately Easy
Things You'll Need
Steps
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Step One
Some time ago, after I had been a stay-at-home mom for many years, my husband left me, and I had a lot of trouble finding someone to hire me. I needed a job, needed it badly. Employers don't know what to do with a person who has been out of the work force for many years. Fortunately, there's Goodwill Industries of Southern California, Inc. They hired me as a Donation Center Attendant.
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Step Two
It was not a very good job for a middle-aged mama, but it was steady work, a little more than minimum wage, and I could handle it as a re-entry into the work force. But it was a lot of heavy lifting, and long hours of isolation outdoors in all weather, not always in the safest of places, interrupted by sudden bouts of frantic activity. But it was work, and there was a lot of overtime.
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Step Three
Often, I was alone all day in a parking lot, waiting for donors to show up and give me something to do. During the slow times, street people would come and try to get me to give them things that had been donated: mostly, blankets or clothing or something they could pawn. It's strictly forbidden by the corporation, so I didn't do it. When it became evident that there was no profit to be had from the association, the various street people gave up asking for things and began to accept me as just part of the background. I became a marginal member of an even more marginal subculture of society.
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Step Four
Sometimes, when nothing else was going on, the street people would just come over to chat, to pass the time of day. When they aren't looking for work, gathering cans and bottles to recycle, or trying to find some way to enhance their safety or income, homeless people do a lot of socializing. They talk obsessively about the weather. It's very important to have as much information about precipitation as possible when it's unavoidable. Sleep wet often enough, and you get pneumonia and bronchitis, which can easily become deadly. They talk a lot about sickness: who in the community is sick, what kind of illnesses are rampant, what kind of remedies a person who has nothing to work with can obtain. They talk, often longingly, about rehabilitation and how hard it is. They talk about the cruelty of the local police, who often harass homeless people as a matter of course. And they tell their stories.
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Step Five
By the way, homeless people hate being called "homeless." The preferred term is, "on the street." "Homeless" sounds faceless and helpless. People who live on the street are usually deeply ashamed of their condition, have done everything they can to alleviate it, and have come up short. It's very painful, and it's unkind to remind people that they live in a nightmare world, not of their own creation, that they can't seem to fix, no matter how hard they try.
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Step Six
In order to talk to street people, you have to try to let go of all your pre-conceived notions of who they are. Don't be judgemental. Be aware that they are individuals and they all have their tale to tell. Many of them are veterans, many are parents, all were somebody's child once. Most of them are ill or disabled in some way. If their illness or disability wasn't the cause of their homelessness, then it was a part of the reason they couldn't get back on track and get a room somewhere. Most are suffering from some form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, either from serving in the military, or from abuse in their families, or from the act of losing everything and landing on the street. It's important to be aware that these folks are afraid a lot of the time, often clinically depressed, hungry and sick.
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Step Seven
When meeting a street person for the first time, make eye contact. If the person does not look you in the eye, leave him or her alone. If your eye contact is reciprocated, say hello. If you feel like this is somebody you'd like to talk to, introduce yourself. For instance, "Hi, I'm Sue." A good topic of conversation is the weather. The average street person will know more about the forecast than you do, and it's a pretty harmless conversational gambit. At this point, the homeless person is probably looking at you speculatively, and will answer any question you put to him or her, but the answer may not be truthful. He or she will probably be suspicious and/or looking to see what your angle is and what's in it for him or her. When people have nothing, they tend to try to look for help from anywhere, and being friendly is an invitation.
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Step Eight
It's best to wait until you have seen the same street person a number of times before you try to get him/her to give you personal information. Asking a homeless person how s/he became homeless is painful and inherently offensive when asked by a stranger, and will most likely cause the person to feel attacked, judged, hurt and angry. I only learned people's stories after I'd been hanging around for a few weeks or months of small talk, depending on the individual.
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Step Nine
When you start to get to know the local street people, be very careful about giving anything. It's a good idea to give goods and services, like rides in the car to appointments or food or clothing and blankets, rather than money. If you want to make sure the homeless person eats, take him or her to a restaurant, or get take-out and sit and eat with him or her.
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Step Ten
Once you've become well-acquainted with a homeless person, you'll find that loneliness, isolation and lack of connection are really severe problems. There were people who counted on me for hugs. Others were happy just to have me ask how they were doing, or ask after their families, friends or partners. Others wanted me to admire their artwork, which was often beautiful, or listen to their music, also often very good. I was sometimes able to reach beyond their public armor and touch their vulnerability, but that took a very long time to accomplish.
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Step Eleven
Many homeless people are fundamentalist Christians. If you are a Christian, or you pray, pray with them. Often on a Sunday, I would happen upon a group of homeless people participating in prayer or Bible study. People may not be able to get warm clothing or a roof or food, but they can always seem to get a Bible.
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Step Twelve
If you become involved with street people, it can complicate your life. Several of my friends have died, from illnesses which could have been treated. One died because his surgery finally came through, and he was so undernourished, and had had only a week of rehab before they anesthetized him; he died on the operating table. Others have scattered. I am still in touch with a few, but their lives are so chaotic that it's hard to make contact; I don't always know where to look if I want to find them. I keep my cell phone on 24/7 in case somebody needs to call me, but it's hard to find a pay phone that takes coins in this area any more. So I've been out of the loop for a while.
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Step Thirteen
But the phone stays on. The operative word in the phrase,"homeless person" is Person. It's not good to look at a person and see a thing. The way to combat homelessness is to start caring about people and stop tolerating the abandonment of the poorest of the poor by our society or our government. Quit paying taxes to go kill strangers in other countries and funnel a little more into food, shelter and rehab for the many who have fallen through the huge holes in our national safety net.
Overall Tips & Warnings
- Give people food, clothing, blankets, pawnable items, not money.
- Treat people with dignity, even if they don't look like you or your family and friends.
- Be non-judgemental.
- Learn by doing.
- If a violent situation occurs or seems to be imminent, leave. You can't do anything about it, and being there will only make it worse.
- Avoid calling the police, unless there's a life or death situation underway.
- Don't drink or do drugs with your homeless friends. It will destroy your credibility, and it will actively do them harm to see you do it. That goes for any illegal activity in which they may be participating.