Hi Patrick

Couldnt sleep. I FEEL the calm before the storm. I woke up and opened  your site at 2am to read Esu Sananda say the second sun was the  countdown in 2010. EVERY time I wake with thoughts of confusion, I walk  into answers. Its amazing. I have read many journals. I appreciate your  thoughts during these last days. Its all happening so fast. He said,  "we will not know the hour," however I feel it.......

Every day when I talk to God, I say, "I am sorry on behalf of the WHOLE  HUMAN RACE," and  mean it. I weep as I type this. So many are around me  refuse to wake up. I listened in the lunch room among teachers who  refuse to give up a pay increase to save their peers jobs. It is so  sad. Don't they know they will not retire as a teacher? I listen to an  alternative site from the Philipines who walk the talk. They are  amazing in the manner in which they honor our creator. I recently met  someone from another planet. He must be afraid to fully acknowledge  where he is from for lack of trust. I am just trying to BE in a good  place. I am sad most times, dissappointed and find it hard to find  hope. Its so hard to be positive.My son just got married and has a  little one on the way. I reel as I think of this. Its so hard. There is  alot regarding the enclave in Denver for the elite. So much is focusing  on their arrogance in their preparations in avoidance of us.  I no  longer have television. I have a free to air satelite. I watch the  overseas propaganda in contrast with our state owned media. Its  pathetic at best. But is is moving so fast. I see our brothers overhead  in masse, which confirms the hours that are upon us. With the earthqaukes, mud slides, Tonga and all the rest, confirming our time is   short. I even got an email from someone from NSA who monitors me. He  told me that the elite will go to their space stations, and while we  are taking it here on earth, they will sit it out, only to return and  genesis will start all over. That the oil they remove from earth is the  the earth changes and the cycle repeats itself. He slammed  me. He watches my inbox and outgoing emails, knows what I know, and  thought it was time to pulverize my hopes and dreams.

How so I raise frequency when I am so sad? Getting through the day is  getting harder and harder. My soul mate and I are in the same place. We  just look at each other? How do you do it? People are so worried about  their jobs etc. I am just trying to get to tommorow. The signs are so  obvious its like throwing salt on a wound. Even the super bowl  commercial of a comet heading straight for earth and the crowd in room  scream "where's the Bud?" The signs are everywhere. I do feel truly  blessed for being allowed to wake up a year and a half ago. But, what a  year it has been. Sheer agony. I am not a quiter though. I just am  experiencing a bit of sloth I have NEVER experienced before due to the  present circumstances. I no longer have the motivation to work out or  eat right, or look forward to things or working towards any long term  goals. All of those things were important before. Now its just comfort  that I desire from a cup of tea, sitting next to my husband or loving  my family dog. Waking and loving others is still my top priority  ,however. But at time feels so worthless. Life seem so temporary right  now. I guess when I look back, it has felt that way for some time.

Someone recently sent an email who said, "don't take yourself so  seriously." I guess she's right. Its just hard being a mortal knowing  so much. While it is a blessing, it also feels like a curse sometimes.

Thank you for all your efforts. Thank you for prior emails. I cherish  them. One in particular is hung on my refrigerator. The one where I am  safe only if I think I am. I am not afraid at all. I have no fear. I  know what I am made of and where my priorities lie. I am feeling very  close to the light, however, probably more sad than I should be.

Be well. Thanks for letting me vent at this early hour. Just needed  someone to talk to. My family is sick of it and many choose to just  stay asleep.

Peace and love. And of course Light.

R

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