Which is better?

1) To have knowledge such as that spread in the PJ\'s and to understand the laws of Creation but have difficulty in following those laws and espousing nothing but love and compassion.

or

2) To be ignorant of the laws of Creation and God Aton, continuing to participate in activities that are harmful to self and others (i.e. drinking alcohol, doing drugs, eating unhealthy foods, materialism) but being very open and loving to the people around you.

This is the reason I ask. I consider myself a good person. Not perfect by any means but I do my best to help others in need, to stay positive, and express love, compassion, and forgiveness when appropriate. I meditate daily, asking for guidance. I keep healthy with yoga and a good diet. And I try to be a positive role model to people around me by living the laws of Creation and Creator Aton. But I often find myself frustrated and upset that people not only refuse to even investigate the information I give them, but they often ridicule me, including my family which calls me \"radical\". I offer knowledge about the dark cabal; about the poisons in our food, water, and air; how to live a healthier, disease-free life; the lies from our government and media; the corruption occuring all over our society; and the disinformation spread by various religions.

However, sometimes I wish I didn\'t know everything that I have learned over the last few years and at times even doubt myself and begin to wonder if I am truly in need of psychiatric help for believing some of the things I read on sites like fourwinds and rense.

I\'ve seen what blind faith can do just by looking at other people who are devoutly religious or those that have followed alternative spiritual paths in history and sacrificed their lives for it. I am doing my best to trust my intuition and to use discernment but this is not easy. We are bombarded daily from so many directions that it is hard to discern truth from lie. I almost envy the ignorance of others who are able to continue living their lives without a care while I struggle daily to find balance between this false matrix we call reality and spiritual enlightenment.

I want to believe the Pheonix Journals. I want to believe in Casper and that we have white knights working against the Illuminati. I want to believe that the Galactic Federation is surrounding Earth Shan to evacuate those of the light. I want to have hope and to live with nothing but love in my heart even in the face of so much anger, pain, hate, war, and death. I want to understand what my purpose is here on Earth Shan at this time and have asked for this information countless times in meditation and prayer. But wanting something is not always enough to manifest it and make it so and maybe I am simply missing the signs being given to me. I don\'t really know who I am, where I am supposed to be, what I am supposed to do, how I am supposed to provide for myself and my family, or how to play a role in fighting the darkside or supporting the light. So it feels like all this knowledge I have about what is truly going on in the world is for naught; I feel like I am all theory and!

  no practice.

I hope and pray that my purpose will be revealed to me soon and that I will receive some kind of validation that not only my efforts, but the effort of all lightworkers, will come to fruition. As always, thank you for all the hard work you and Anne put forth toward the site. Without fourwinds, this journey would be much more difficult.

Aloha

KT