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"Hello, Central!" My 16 Year Old Daughter Hates Me! Can You Help?(Updated 4/2/08)
Patrick H. Bellringer
----- Original Message -----
From: DF
Sent: Saturday, March 29, 2008 3:44 PM
Subject: Siterun Contact Request from Linlar Services
Message:
Dear 4 Winds- As a mother who has been following the LIGHT since I was a teeny-tot- I have come up against a 16 year old daughter who totally hates me for.... I have tried to find internet,God Inspired, the few true friends I have, any HELP I can to help my child through the incredible \'time warp\". I think you could help an incredible generation of folks if you could steer moms like me in the right direction! Thankyou for your consideration of my ?.. DF
(Reply)
FROM: Patrick H. Bellringer
TO: DF
DATE: April 1, 2008
SUBJECT: Reply
Dear DF:
Thank you for writing. You ask a tough question. In the world of cause and effect in which we live there are reasons for all that happens. The world in which your daughter has lived for these sixteen years has shaped her life. The choices you have made, the choices she has made and that of others have all had their impact to create the daughter, who now hates her mother.
I know nothing of your situation. I can only assume you are a single parent trying to be both mother and father to your daughter while working a survival job. Regardless whether you are rich or poor, the needs of a rebellious teen-aged daughter are the same.
She does not like herself for whatever reason. She needs acceptance by her peers, and she may have changed her peer group to get it, pulling her into a different value system that conflicts with yours. Today's world of so many choices is causing both her and you conflicts and frustration and a loss of meaningful communication.
Your daughter needs parents, who love her, understand her world and offer love, guidance and discipline, and who practice such in their own lives. Do you have guilt and feel insecure because you do not understand your daughter's needs, or have failed her in some way? Does it matter? You cannot change the past. Get over it and move on.
The keys to any relationship are caring, understanding, accepting, loving and communication. Do you truly love your daughter, and have you shown her so? Little acts of kindness can mean so much to one, who does not love herself or feel valuable or accepted by others. Have you told your daughter what you like about her, or what potential you see in her? Have you taken the time to talk with her and to really listen to what she is thinking and feeling?
No sound relationship can be built without good communication. Yelling at your daughter and condemning her or taking out your frustrations on her won't cut it. That causes alienation.
Love over time heals all hurts, all wrongs and brings reconciliation and true happiness. Your daughter needs a mother that helps her to find her way in a very threatening and confusing world, who accepts her for who she is now and offers comfort and compassion and guidance. Your daughter needs a true friend.
That question is, "Can you, do you want to be that friend? How would you go about building a friendship with anyone? Do you know how? Are you willing to try---with your daughter? Love and communication can create the miracle you desire.
One last thing, if your daughter is into drugs or sex or other serious matters of which you are aware, you would be wise to seek professional help. Just know that love of self begins with forgiveness of self and then of others. Then ask God's forgiveness and believe it, and move on without the baggage of the past.
Your daughter is becoming an adult and truly needs and adult friend---you! It is your choice to take the challenge.
In Love and Light,
Patrick H. Bellringer
(Reply)
----- Original Message -----From: KBSent: Wednesday, April 02, 2008 3:17 PMSubject: my daughter hates meMy daughter, now 30, also hated me, an single father. She ran away at 16.5, and between 16.5 and 18 she was arrested 5 different times, living on the streets of Hollywood. In her young 20's, when she needed help, our relationship was healed, when she realized, like the protocal son, where there was love for her. never, never, never give up, always, always, always give love.KB