Sunday 21 March 04, she was thinking about the business of 70 virgins

(paradise reward to Muslim men), and thought she must write an open letter about it. Monday 22 March, after waking up she again thought about the 70 virgins. During that morning she had a pressure around the forehead, like being pushed to do something, but not quite sure what. She had no intention of putting the TV on, but she did. On BBC news, she saw that Yassin was killed. She immediately felt the urge to write, and she did. It came completely automatically.

Here it is:

I, Ahmed Yassin have come to correct that what I have done in my life. I meant well, but hatred of the Israelis ruled my spirit. I started Hamas with the sole reason of destroying Israel. Nowhere and on no occasion did I consider the spiritual consequences of my actions on my own spiritual growth and that of the youngsters I influenced to offer up their lives for Palestine.

I turned in to her because although she did not know my name she read correctly the motives of the one who started the Infada.

This morning she was considering writing an open letter to Times Magazine, challenging the spiritual leaders of the world, the Pope and his bishops etc, the protestants, leading ministers, the Imans of the Muslims, the Bahai, shamans and clairvoyant, Moslem and non Moslem, to give their view on what use 70 virgins would be to a young Muslim man after death, when he would no longer have a physical body to enjoy even one virgin. Should he be interested in their minds, her view was that no normal man would be interested in being bombarded by the (spiritual?) view of 70 virgins. She imagined these to come mostly from the departed nuns of the catholic and other churches - long conversations about saints and various dogmas of various religions. Seen like this, 70 virgins in paradise would seem to be a punishment, not a reward. How I wish that the young men I send to their deaths, carrying bombs to kill and maim others without mercy, had the sense to think like that. I had no right - no say - in who gets what in paradise. That is in the hands of the Lord. By treating me as if I had direct access to God, others helped me to think that I had that direct access - wonderful food to feed anyone's ego.

I confess I now know that it was my ego and hatred driving me on to think out more and more excesses in terrorism. Although I had no direct hand in directing 911, I planted the seed when I had contact with a terrorist leader (I may not betray him).

To the mothers and family of those I sent to their deaths and whose deaths I caused I want to assure you, by my wrong actions I took their karma - unfinished because of the circumstances of their death - upon my shoulders unwittingly, that is true, but nevertheless so. I ask your forgiveness. Please look upon the deaths of your brave sons and daughters only of dying for their country, albeit long before it should have taken place.

Once again I humbly beg your forgiveness. To those of the "enemy" who got killed I also beg your forgiveness. In the few hours since my death, I have learnt that we believe in the same God, all strive to be more like Him and often fairly miserably. Once we belong to a group who thinks "we are right" we completely lose sight of the fact that "my God is your God and your God is my God". That what should bring us nearer together, because of our lack of love for our neighbor and lack of understanding and insight, becomes for "each side" the only correct thing to strive for and therefore becomes something to fight for against all others who do not agree with one. I will spend a long time to work off all the karma of others I have taken upon myself during this past lifetime.

I have also today become aware that I have spent many lifetimes as a Jew, often maligned and terrorized as a member of a "different" minority. If only I remembered that in this past life time. My next problem is how to undo what I have started and encouraged in this past lifetime from where I am now. At the moment her idea of writing to the Times Magazine and challenging all spiritual leaders to prove that a human being , although highly regarded in his community, and at the same time a spiritual leader, cannot and should not encourage murder and mayhem amongst those who put their trust in him and that in no way can he promise them "70 virgins in paradise" as a reward for their actions. If they do not agree with this, they should give their view based on the spiritual teachings of their faiths. Make especially sure to challenge also the Muslim spiritual leaders.

If anyone of the groups she belongs to can give other sound advice I will really appreciate it. It will help me tremendously if I can somehow stop the carnage I have started. I have misused the faith these youths have in me by misrepresenting the teachings of Allah to get them to do MY will, not Allah's.

Please pray for me and for those in my country and everywhere who were mislead by me, for those who are alive and those who died "by my hand".

Pray that Allah /God allows me, with your help, and those who were steadfast in the REAL teachings of Allah, to correct what I have done wrong - sins against God. May that God, who is also my God, and whom I have betrayed, bless you to help me. I thank you as co-workers in the Light, which I have rediscovered on this side.

Ahmed Yassin

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