Aidel — Finicky.

Alrightnik — One who has succeeded. My father, the dentist, is an alrightnik. My cousin, the shoe salesman . . .is NOT.

Alter kockers — Who doesn’t know what this means? It means . . .well, basically Old Jew, but not just any old Jew, an old operator. My father, for example, is NOT an alter kocker, nor was my Grandfather. There are no female alter kockers by the way.

Apikoros — From the Greek (kidding, I have no idea, but it does sound a bit Greek). It means skeptic.

Badchen — Emcee

Balebetishen Yidden- respectable Jews. Are there any other kind?

Baleboosteh — Literally, a good housekeeper. But it’s an attitude thing. She’s in charge once you pass through the door and don’t forget it. If you do, she’ll make sure to remind you.

Balmalocha — An expert. What an expert!! Well, maybe he just THINKS he’s an expert.

Bissel — A little bit. Not like the “little” piece of cheesecake you have when you’re on a diet.

Bracha — A blessing.

Bris — Circumcision

Bubeleh — A term of endearment.

Bubkis — Nothing, but less than nothing if possible.

Chachkes — Small stuff and not so small.

Chalaria — It’s not until after I finished “Goys and Dolls” that I discovered Chalaria means Shrew. I thought it was just a very nervous person, so in “Goys and Dolls,” that’s what it is.

Chaloshes — Nauseous

Chupah — Wedding canopy.

Fachadick — Extremely confused.

Fahklumpt — Yet another word for mixed up. Although this one is more of an emotionally based mixed up-ness. There are lots of these in Yiddish, which leads me to guess that we Jews are often mixed up, but yet we’re not . . . just another irony of the Jewish experience. There are as many words for “confused” in Yiddish as there are for “snow” in the Eskimo language.

Famisched — Another of the confused series of words.

Farblondzhet — Lost, bewildered, confused. Yet another in the group of mixed-up words. By the way, not an easy word to rhyme with.

Feh — It stinks! No good. My Dad had a nursery rhyme with the word feh. Here it is: Tom, Tom the Piper’s son, stole a pig and away he run . . . ”Feh,” said the Rabbi.

Fress - Eat like a pig

Gedainkst — Remember?

Gelt — Money (gold, get it?)

Geschmak — Tasty

Gevalt geshreeyeh — Good grief! But Charlie Brown has little to do with this version of Good Grief.

Gloib mir — Believe me.

Goy — Non-Jewish person. Technically, in the Bible, anyone living outside of Israel, a foreigner.

Grivenes — Onions fried in chicken fat. FRIED IN CHICKENFAT.......OH MY G-D!!

Haftorah — A commentary from the Talmud which is traditionally read by the Bar Mitzvah boy.

Hamisch — Down to earth. A real person.

Hashem — Literally “The name.” It’s how you say G-d when you’re not praying to him/her.

Hockin me a chinick — Bothering me. Extremely annoying

Kappora — Catastrophe.

Klip — Gabby woman . . . hmmm. I guess that would pretty much be most of them.

Kop — Head.

Kosher glatt — Very Kosher, even more Kosher than Kosher. It’s so Kosher, the Kosher has Kosher. Any questions?

Kvell — Extremely proud. Really set aside for parental pride when a child does something amazing, like Bar Mitzvah, marry a nice Jewish girl, Bat Mitzvah, marry a nice Jewish boy, become a Rabbi . . .you get the picture?

Kvetch — Complain, but much more aggravating.

L’Shem — G-d. (See Hashem)

Lebedikah Velt — Lively world.

Loch in kup — Hole in the head. As in, “I need this like a hole in the head.”

Mazel Tov — Very good fortune or congratulations!!

Mecheieh — Great pleasure.

Meeskite — Unattractive woman.

Mensch — If you don’t know what this means, please return the CD and I’ll give you your money back. Of course then you wouldn’t be much of a mensch.

Meshugass— Insanity, craziness.

Meshugeneh — a crazy person, technically. But most of the time it's used in a loving way, as in "That Woodie Allen, what a meshugeneh" or "Mildred, you're husband's a meshugeneh. He bought you the three carat tiara when he should have known tiara's are out of style."

Mishpachas — Family.

Mishpocha — In-laws.

Mitzvah — A blessing or commandment.

Moisheh kapoyer — A person who does everything backward.

Nachas — Extreme joy.

Nishtikeit — Nothing, or possibly less than nothing. For example, what’s not to like, there’s nothing there? (My mother once said that to me about a girl I was interested in)

Patschkieing — Fooling around

Patshkie around — Waste time. Fool around when you should be doing something worthwhile, like writing a parody of “Cabaret.”

Plotz — Literally, to burst. But it refers to “don’t have a hemorrhage” or words to that effect.

Saichel — Common sense.

Sandek — The one who holds the infant. (See Briss).

Schlecht — Really bad. By the way, this word will also help you if you have a little build-up of phlegm.

Shabbat — Sabbath

Shadchen — Matchmaker. This is the correct Yiddish term, not Yenta. A Yenta is just a talkative, gossipy woman.

Shagetz — Non-Jewish boy.

Shaineh — Lovely.

Shande — A shame. Disgraceful.

Shep nachas — Receive joy, pleasure.

Shiksa — Non-Jewish woman.

Shlemiel — Clumsy dope. Klutz. Didn’t you ever see “Laverne and Shirley?”

Shlep — Drag, carry or haul, particularly unnecessary things, parcels or baggage, particularly your wife's parcels or baggage- Jewish men are trained from an early age to get used to shlepping. By the time we are married, we just automatically look for things to shlep and places to shlep to. What a life!!!! And we all hope that one day we'll be able to afford to hire someone to shlep for us....but even when that day comes, we often help the shlepper shlep so we shouldn't feel guilty. Are you following? This word carries a lot of weight in our culture. In fact, I'm amused thinking that many people who don't like Jews use this word and don't even realize that they're speaking Yiddish, especially when they tell their wife that they had to shlep home a couple of dozen bagels....

Shmeckle — Penis

Shmeichel — Butter up.

Shmendrik — A jerk, but so much more.

Shnook — Please . . . you must know what a shnook is.

Shpilkes — Worries . . . but much more. It could give you heartburn without tsibiles. Pins and needles . . . at least.

Shul — Synagogue, but literally, school.

Simchas — Joy

Traif — UnKosher stuff, but really bad stuff, like pork, shellfish. The stuff we all want so badly they actually make Kosher bacon out of chicken or something. And you could have Monkfish instead of lobster. Ironic it’s called Monkfish. Why not Rabbifish?

Tsibiles — Fried onions. Imagine eating fried onions like a pig and you’ll get why we have so much heartburn.

Tsuris — Troubles, but not just any old troubles. These troubles are BIG troubles. Misery type of troubles.

Tuchis — Behind. As in what you sit on.

Ungepatched — All mixed up.

Vei is mir — Another way to say “woe is me.” I guess we need more than one.

Vielen dank — From the Danish . . . OK, kidding again. It means many thanks. And many thanks to you for buying my CD.

Vooden — What do you expect? Of course? What else?

Vos vet zein, vet zein! — What will be, will be! I reversed the second vet zein to zein vet for rhyming purposes . . . so sue me.

Yiddishe Kup — Literally Jewish head. It means use your common sense that G-d gave you more of since you’re Jewish and need it more to survive because all the other people in the world constantly want to kick you out . . . Oh, you get the picture.

Yutzi — StupidZei Gesund — To your health. Often said just before a shot of schnapps, which turns out, of course, to be pretty healthy in moderation. My Grandfather Sam had his schnapps every day around four and lived to be in his mid 80s.