New DNA evidence links Osama Bin Laden to Adolf Hitler, Isaac and Abraham (Proof Found That Adolf Hitler is a Jew)
Dr. Fatima Guillermo Chen Journal of Letters, Abigail Yi Dora University
Background:
On April 5, 2011 the contents of a warehouse in the Bydstok province of Eastern Poland were auctioned and sold to the Hzinsk Jharvwi Qlout (English translation: Dignity through History), Poland’s premier clearinghouse of WWII antiquities.
Hanz Tsik, Bydstok’s last Holocaust survivor and author of the worldwide best-selling book, Zgebingao hymen dex (English translation: Flies only live one day), died on January 18, 2011. Following his death, his estate was held in “singular limbo,” a Polish tradition that honors the property of the deceased for 14 days before heirs are allowed access.
Part of Tsik’s estate was a 42 hundred square foot warehouse that was home to thousands of pre-war archives from Bydstok’s Ministry of Information. Among those documents is the birth certificate of one August Adelbert Jarogniew, born April 20, 1889. The parents of this child were identified as Waclow and Marta Jarogniew, two Jewish immigrants from the Caucusus mountains of Azerbaijan. Both parents list their religion as Tremonton Judea (English translation: Ashkenazi Jew).
Waclow was a prominent sandwich maker who was instrumental in pioneering the Rueben. According to wikipedia, “The Reuben sandwich is a hot sandwich of layered meat, sauerkraut and Swiss cheese, with a dressing. These are grilled between slices of rye bread. The meat is either corned beef or pastrami, and the dressing is either Russian or Thousand Island dressing. Several variants exist.”
Marta was a seamstress who was one of the first to introduce the “see-through blouse,” first showcased in East Berlin’s fashionable Hibbinfrauk district on September 23, 1903.
Unlike any other country in the world, late 19th century Poland required a blood smear from both parents to accompany any declaration of live birth.
Confirmation:
NASA’s Extent Priority Genealogical Task Force recently analyzed flakes of these blood samples and has determined that they match the DNA taken from bone fragments of Adolf Hitler’s skull, which was salvaged after the much-celebrated allied raid known as Operation Geranium.
The Bin Laden Connection:
On May 2, 2011 Navy SEALS raided the Pakistani home of Osama Bin Laden, the world’s most notorious terrorist. Within 40 minutes, Bin Laden’s body was boarded on a military helicopter and flown to Eastern Afghanistan to confirm his identity. Thanks to recently developed High Spectrum DNA technology, it was determined that the man killed in the raid was in fact Bin Laden.
Though this is a significant development, it is dwarfed by what was uncovered during the course of the blood analysis. According to U.S. Government Now, “The High Spectrum DNA testing has confirmed—through a cross-referencing grid that has paired Bin Laden’s ynt^3 genetic properties to other sources—that there is a striking and unparalleled link to the ynt^3 genetic properties of Adolf Hitler.”
According to scientists working at the Road Scholar’s Institute of Higher Learning, the validity studies of such a pairing are 99.9.9.9 percent accurate. The incident of error is 1 in 1/14 quadrillionth to the 8th power.
Bill Trench, academy award winning director of the 1987 documentary, Eva Braun, we hardly knew ya has followed these developments from the beginning and has since pieced together a likely genealogy.
“Hitler and Braun birthed a male child in 1940, we all know that,” says Trench. “They were on their honeymoon in British controlled Palestine and were forced to leave the child behind according to British law. We’ve since learned that this child was reared by Shin Bet forces and cultivated as a ‘demon seed’ that would later be used to cause unrest in the Islamic world.”
Trench says that Israeli President Yitzhak Ben-Zvi recovered the boy from a Palestinian orphanage in 1952 and kept the child as a “red headed step child,” until 1956.
“The poor kid was unceremoniously executed in 1956,” Trench told Channel 404 News earlier this month. “But before they put him down, they extracted semen from his genitals and impregnated a local Jewish girl who had foolishly bedded down with a local Palestinian T-shirt merchant.”
On March 10, 1957 Osama Bin Laden was born.
Biblical Significance:
A footnote to the DNA testing has suggested that there is one more relevant blood link to the whole Bin Laden/Hitler affair. Though unconfirmed, reliable sources have told Journal of Letters that scientists have almost conclusively traced the heritage of these renowned criminals to the so-called “seed of Abraham.”
The knife used to kill the son of Abraham is on display in Israel’s Museum of Zion, one of the most visited tourist attractions in the western world. Curator Yon Melman Cacklestein—an archaeologist most famous for digging up the left eyeball of Israeli strongman Samson—has recently submitted flakes of blood scraped from the legendary dagger.
In an official statement to Journal of Letters, Cacklestein announced, “God will prove these things untrue. We [Israel] appreciate our allies in the west but do not trust fully those anti-Semitic forces who work in [the background] to discredit our nation and strive to bring down Israel.”
Fatima Guillermo Chen is a prominent writer for a non-existent university. The purpose of her piece is intended as a social experiment to test the veracity of conspiracy theories and to see if people will read all the way down to here to realize that all that she has put forth is pure bullshit.
May 8, 2011