mark-proclaimed month of love) I find myself more consumed than usual with the subject. Call me crazy, but maybe it's because each year, starting the day after Christmas, there are hearts and cupids galore! My big question is: Doesn't everyone deserve to be loved? The answer, of course, is yes. Love is a basic human need. Without it there seems to be no purpose. Each of us have the ability to love, thus we automatically possess the means to receive love. This is a guarantee. If we have the ability to love, then we need to start with loving ourselves. Love of self is by far the biggest life lesson that I am struggling with. I believe that it is a struggle for most of us. Otherwise we would not be living in a society of people seeking love and approval above all else. We need to get to a point where each of us can get up every morning, look in the mirror, and truly love the person staring back at us. How can this be accomplished? I don't think it is an easy task, but here are some thoughts and ideas.

Find the one physical feature that you like least about yourself, and start there. For instance, I will start with my well-endowed posterior (big butt). Instead of looking in the mirror with self-loathing, I begin to embrace this feature as one of the many things that makes me unique. I make an effort to compliment myself on how lovely my behind is (this does start to get easier). I focus on how it is part of my body, and on how well this body serves me. My body enables me to work in a profession in which I truly serve others and make a difference in their lives. If my body is such a wonderful vessel, then what could be so bad about my behind? Next, I find the one characteristic of my personality that I feel is absolutely unlovable. I happen to have a rather pronounced lack of patience. This trait is reserved for those I love the most. Instead of continuing to chastise myself for lack of patience, I learn to embrace this trait as a positive one. My lack of patience helps me to be proactive, which is one of my best traits. I could go on and on, but hopefully I am making my point.

My point is this: change your perception and you will change your life. A change in perception is simply reverting to how we once felt about ourselves as children. As I watch my 2 year old wander around the house in her pink tutu with no regard as to what anyone else thinks, I try and learn from her. As I ponder this lesson, she prances up to me and says, "look, Mommy, I am so pretty." She is absolutely amazing. Once we make this transition in our self-perception, we can take our newly rediscovered love of self, and project it to others. When you greet the cashier at Cub Foods, make eye contact, and give that person a salutation from the heart. You will see that every person that you connect with has a soul, and they will appreciate your warmth and kindness. I would hanker a guess that you will walk away with a better sense of self worth and love. You never know what one sincere greeting will do to change the perception of each person you come in contact with. Imagine a "pay it forward" of self-love, if you will.

When we stop feeling inadequate, we will stop projecting those inadequacies upon others. This shift in perception will enable us to seek goodness in the world. I seem to remember an old saying. "What you seek, you shall find." Take responsibility for the love in your life. Embrace what it means to love you. It is truly unfair to enter into any kind of relationship if you cannot love yourself. It is unfair to your friend, lover, or partner. It is unfair to you. Instead of trying to make everyone else feel loved, concentrate on yourself first. Go take the vacation you have been putting off, get a massage, meditate, or go for a walk. Do anything that makes you feel special. When others see that you value yourself, they will begin to value you as well.

As a teenager I was going through a rough time with my boyfriend. My mother said something to me that I have never forgotten. She said, "Stef, those flight attendants really know what they are talking about." I gave her a blank look, and she continued, "always put your own oxygen mask on first before you try and help others." She made her point. We can all have relationships that radiate love and happiness. You have to begin with you. Start with complete acceptance of your body. If you can accomplish this, then your mind will love your body. When the mind loves the body, it will stop interfering in your relationships. It is up to you. In closing, I will quote Don Miguel Ruiz. He wrote a book called "The Mastery of Love." One passage in the book reads: "You have a belief about what is beautiful and what is ugly, and if you don't like yourself, you can change your belief, and your life will change. It sounds simple, but it isn't easy. Whoever controls the belief, controls the dream. When the dreamer finally controls the dream, the dream can become a masterpiece of art."

Change your perception. Love yourself. Change your life.

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