SOMALI PIRATES AND GOLDMAN SACHS
Andy Borowitz
There was an audible gasp in the courtroom when the leader of the pirates announced, "We are doing God's work. We work for Lloyd Blankfein."
The pirate, who said he earned a bonus of $48 million in dubloons last year, elaborated on the nature of the Somalis' work for Goldman, explaining that the pirates attacked ships that Goldman had already shorted.
"We were functioning as investment bankers, only every day was casual Friday," the pirate said.
The pirate acknowledged that they merged their operations with Goldman in late 2008 to take advantage of the more relaxed regulations governing bankers as opposed to pirates, "plus to get our share of the bailout money."
In the aftermath of the shocking revelations, government prosecutors were scrambling to see if they still had a case against the Somali pirates, who would now be treated as bankers in the eyes of the law.
"There are lots of laws that could bring these guys down if they were, in fact, pirates," one government source said. "But if they're bankers, our hands are tied."
********* from Lynn: now then, understand the ramifications of being a banker and think, you have a birth certificate account (remember that certificate on bond paper?), you have a social security account (remember that card on bond paper?); they cannot steal these accounts and the funds in those accounts from you but they can march you into their courts with their warrants, tickets and complaints, and attach secret liens on those accounts, put a bond on that secret lien which is now their 'asset' and n you sign anything, you, as the banker, gave them permission to draw on the funds from the accounts set up for you by some unknown parties at the time when you were assigned the birth certificate and the social security card.
"If they're bankers, our hand are tied," is quoted in the article above; now, what happens if you sign your documents as June Hanna Doe, banker or if you want to be elaborate, June Hanna Doe, banker for the reconstruction of the republic.........