A Prayer to the Global Corporate Gods

O mighty Global Corporations, we are helpless without You.

Please bring Your menial jobs here to our nation and town.

Though we have little control over these arbitrary and tedious jobs

that create wealth for stockholders rather than for us,

this is all that we lowly workers deserve.

Grant us Your x dollars per hour

so that we might have hope of purchasing

Your fine plastic products that bestow lasting contentment.

Forgive us when we question Your Authority

or do not work fast enough, for we are but wretched servants;

and please, oh pretty please,

- do not cast us onto the street

- where there is much weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Drive us to serve You ever more diligently

until our decrepit bodies and minds break down;

then patch us up in Your hospitals

and with Your anti-depressants as much as necessary

to return us to Your service.

And when You have used us up completely, secure us

in Your nursing homes so that we do not annoy You

or Your still-faithful devotees further.

O Corporate one big happy family Fathers, some of us

are so worthless that our skills do not match Your product plans,

and our resultant poverty has led us astray

to where we have broken the righteous commandments

that protect Your bountiful property from us.

Other backsliders have foolishly attempted

to escape the indoctrination of Your dollars

through the use of mind altering substances.

We accept that the only rightful place

for these shameful sinners among us is in a cold cell

of thick concrete deep within Your prisons,

where You will still mercifully grace

these human by-products with a few quarters per hour

to manufacture Your office furniture.

For those few hours when we are not in Your service,

thank You for blessing us all with the security of predictable

name brand products, and for their copious packaging

that assures that no heathens have laid their unclean hands

on the wondrous gifts within.

Continue to spew Your intelligent poisons

into our farmland and food to protect us

from the sinister insects and microorganisms.

Prepare our food and even serve it to us,

that we may have more time to serve You.

We will gladly consume whatever You hand down to us,

for You are all-knowing.

Please pacify us with a plethora of prefabricated entertainment,

as we have forgotten how to entertain each other.

Reveal to us through Your inspired media what we are to believe,

for surely we cannot trust our own feeble judgement.

Similarly commodify any remaining life activities,

so that our angst-ridden existence is no more challenging

than a series of multiple-choice questions.

Most important, guide Your wise politicians financially

as they strive to make this region of the planet

more cost-effective for You by

- abolishing the evil worker rights laws,- corporate taxation, and

- environmental protections that offend You deeply

and drive You away from us.

Help them enlighten the more backward cultures by dropping

Your Holy Bombs on the people of those demonic nation-states

that still Refuse to Bow Down before You.

And thank You for undercutting the pitifully small

local businesses that would dare defy Your Divine Dominance

and threaten the sacred homogenous culture

in which You have safely wrapped us.

Truly all resources belong to You,

and we are but humble stewards of them.

Continue to devour the land and excrete into the rivers -

- the Earth is Your Banquet and Your Toilet.

For Thine is- the empire,- the power,- and the planet,-

- until You destroy it.

Amen.

Copyright 1996 BiggerTheyCome (TM) Enterprises,

a wholly-owned subsidiary of GlobalGobble Corporation.

Just try and steal this intellectual property,

you peasant, and see what happens!

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